


Helpless

by Fafsernir



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Immortal Ianto Jones, Immortality, M/M, Mortal Jack Harkness, Mortality, Temporary Character Death, sort of, those boys will have a talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fafsernir/pseuds/Fafsernir
Summary: Ianto didn't want to believe it - or rather, trust an alien - but he didn't want to miss an opportunity to save Jack. But was he willing to sacrifice that much?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Plume8now](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plume8now/gifts).



> Hi, yes, yeah, okay, (all right,) I know I said I didn't think I'd post another Torchwood fic before the New Year, but only fools never change their minds, right? (... that's a very French idiom, oops)  
> (Spoilers of part of what is in this fic, though the tags give it away too) Plume8Now came one day when I was in a cloud of fluff (just kidding) and told me "What if Ianto could have Jack's immortality?" and I was like "hahahahaahaahaha nope, the angst. I never thought of that, you monster. LET'S WRITE THIS." because I'm weird?
> 
> So that's for her, + she wrote me a Janto fic without me asking so I'm happy + she's just amazing actually, so she deserves this! + the title is 100% a Hamilton reference because she also loves it. So I hope you like it :D   
> (I'll update everyday I think? It's rather short. Don't hesitate to leave a comment!)

“I can give you what you want,” the alien muttered.

It looked a lot like a last-minute crazy sentence to buy more time or hope for mercy. Ianto put more weight on the alien which sort of choked, as far as Ianto could tell.

“You'd do me a great favour by shutting your mouth,” Ianto mumbled and taped his comm. “Jack, I won't wait forever.”

“On my way!” Jack's voice cracked in his comm then faded away.

Ianto sighed and looked down. He was sitting on an alien – now, that wasn't a sentence you could say everyday – who had escaped by the rift from some prison, and had tried to kill a bunch of people. Ianto had run after it briefly, until the gravity and pressure of the air had helped him by setting the alien off (apparently, jumping was rather efficient on his home-planet. Not so on Earth.) Ianto had taken advantages of this to jump – properly, applying to Earth's laws of physics – and tackle the alien, pining it to the ground very efficiently and Ianto had to give Jack this; he was way more competent in straddling people on the floor than he had been before making out with Jack. Not that thinking about Jack now was a good idea.

“I can give him what you want,” the alien said, apparently still thinking it would get enough of Ianto's attention.

Problem was, it did. Ianto frowned and looked at the alien in the eye – well that must have been his eye.

“Who?”

“I can make him mortal again,” the alien grinned – again, that must have been a grin.

Ianto knew he shouldn't, but a part of him wanted to believe that crazy alien and he did the most unprofessional thing in his job: he let his guards down. It was quick, but way enough for the alien to escape. The alien didn't, and that confused Ianto even more.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Ianto!”

Ianto's head snapped up and he looked at Jack, then back at the alien, clenching his fist on whatever cloth it was wearing. He let go when Jack stopped next to him and helped him.

“Are you okay?” Jack frowned as they had just put the alien in the back of the SUV.

“Yeah,” Ianto shrugged as he climbed in the passenger seat.

“Sure?” Jack insisted, worry on his face.

“I'm fine, Jack,” Ianto snapped, and Jack looked surprised. “Just... tired. Can we go home?”

Jack sighed, nodded with a small smile, and started the car.

They put the alien in a cell and, as it was no direct threat, they left it there for the night, Jack taking Ianto home.

 

Ianto lay awake in his bed, unable to think about anything else than the alien's words. It was stupid, really. But he kept wondering. What if...? What if what, exactly? Someone could magically cure Jack? Ianto wasn't that naive, but God how he wished it were possible.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jack said eventually.

“Mmh?” Ianto replied, looking briefly at Jack then away. “Nothing, I just...”

“Overthinking a bit too much, huh?” Jack smiled, nuzzling against his neck.

Ianto couldn't suppress the shudder than ran through his body, and he stroked Jack's hair as he became aware of his heart pounding in his chest.

“Would you?” Ianto suddenly stuttered.

“What?” Jack asked, kissing his collarbone.

“If you could, would you get rid of your immortality?” Ianto breathed out.

Jack froze, his lips on Ianto's skin. Then he slowly looked up and frowned.

“What?” He repeated, pain in his eyes.

“I just... wonder,” Ianto tried to justify himself.

Jack studied him for a while then looked away.

“Right now? No. I feel... I feel okay here, with you. With the team. I wouldn't change that,” Jack slowly said against Ianto's skin.

He kissed his chest, unless it was his heart, and held his hand, holding on it tightly.

“But...” Ianto offered, sensing there was more to it.

“But I... I don't know. I can't imagine my life without Torchwood as it is now. Or without you,” Jack whispered very lowly.

Ianto nodded and ran his hand through Jack's hair.

“Why are you asking?” Jack asked after a while, Ianto having stopped his movement.

Ianto didn't know what to say so he answered nothing and pretended to fall sleep, convinced it was a great excuse.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Ianto woke up with Jack next to him and didn't think about anything else than the hot trail of kisses Jack was leaving on his skin.

When they got to the Hub however, he remembered the alien and what it had said, and Ianto knew he wouldn't stop thinking about it until he had answers.

They transferred it together to the interrogation room, waiting for the others to arrive to the Hub, but Ianto couldn't quite tell Jack that he needed a moment alone with the alien, could he?

Instead, he brewed some coffee, took a pile of paperwork Jack had returned, sticking a note on the top with a sad emoticon written down it, and made his way to Jack's office. Jack smiled at the coffee and pouted at the work.

“Those need your signature, you signed only the first one.”

“You know how to do my signature, Ianto,” Jack said with the voice of a child having a tantrum.

“And I have a job. You do it, or no more coffee,” Ianto sighed, answering as a parent. Sometimes he wondered who was the one-hundred-or-so-year-old time-traveller in their relationship.

“Mmh... do I get a kiss?”

“Before or after hand?”

“Both?”

“Okay,” Ianto rolled his eyes and leaned over the table to kiss Jack.

When Jack pressed his tongue against Ianto's closed lips, Ianto smiled and only parted them to nibble Jack's bottom lip. Jack moaned, and Ianto pulled back and shook his head.

“More after?” Jack asked, slightly flushed, which made Ianto quite proud.

“If you're lucky enough,” Ianto winked at him and left the office, putting a bit on a show, knowing Jack was shamelessly looking at his lower back as he walked away.

Ianto smiled for himself and typed away something on one of the computer then put back on a professional mask. He had a few minutes before Tosh arrived, hopefully, and Jack was buried in work. It was his chance. He nervously straightened his tie and took a deep breath before opening the door.

He tried not to jog down the stairs, but put a bit too abruptly the file and pen he was holding down the table. He sat and looked at the alien who blinked and looked at him, before grinning – it definitely was a grin.

“Does your offer still stand?” Ianto asked bluntly.

The alien nodded, “you set me free and I'll tell you how to make him mortal.”

“Or,” Ianto grinned, his stare neutral, and he knew he looked creepy like this. “You tell me how, and I convince them not to kill you.”

“You've changed. Aliens talk. We know about Torchwood. We know you don't kill any more.”

“Oh, don't we now?” Ianto asked and leaned a bit over the table. “There are worse things than death,” he whispered. Then he slumped back against the back if his chair and opened his file. He almost threw the thirteen pictures it contained in front of the alien.

“You've killed twelve humans and an alien in the span of two years. Did you think you'd walk out of Torchwood alive?”

He saw that the alien was totally falling into his trap and smiled inwardly. It was almost too easy.

“So you tell me, and I'll help your case.”

The alien gulped – a very human sound this time – and looked around.

“B22102006,” it muttered.

Ianto froze. He quickly snapped back to reality and wrote down the number, knowing exactly what it meant.

“How could you know the number?” he asked, his heart pounding against his chest.

“I crashed that day.”

“How do you use it?” Ianto asked.

“Ianto?” Jack's voice said. “What are you doing here? Get back up, we've lost sound.”

Ianto swore and raised a hand, whatever that meant. He looked at the alien and took a deep breath.

“I don't know,” the alien grinned, then laughed.

Ianto clenched his fists and stood up, looking at the glass where Jack was staring down at him worriedly, ready to go in. He looked away and slowly walked up the stairs.

“Whatever you take, you must give back,” the alien said and Ianto froze. “If he becomes mortal, then someone has to...”

“Then I become immortal,” Ianto finished for him.

The alien nodded and laughed again and Ianto slammed the door behind him. Jack was at his side instantly.

“Are you okay? Ianto, why did you go in there? Why didn't you warn anyone? Ianto you're livid, what did it say?”

Ianto cut him off by kissing him, unable to answer any question and wanting, _needing_ to feel something. To feel Jack.

He could save him. He could, but he had to sacrifice himself for this.

A cough cut him, both in his thoughts and his kiss. He pursed his lips and stepped away, looking at Tosh with a small smile.

“Sorry,” he mouthed. She just shook her head, smiling.

Ianto fled to the kitchen to brew more coffee but as expected, Jack followed him.

“What was that?” Jack asked, leaning against the door frame.

“Which part, Sir?” Ianto asked, turning his back to Jack.

“Well, both. Not that I'm complaining about you snogging me,” Jack said and Ianto could tell he was hiding worry behind a grin.

“I don't know,” Ianto sighed. “I... didn't get enough sleep last night.”

Jack scoffed and stepped closer to put his arms around Ianto's waist.

“Fine,” he whispered. “But if you want to tell me, I'm here,” he added with a kiss to Ianto's nape.

“... Thanks,” Ianto eventually chose to answer.

They stayed still for a moment, Jack not letting go of Ianto. He finally took a deep breath and stepped back.

“Right, I should get back to paperwork... I'm not even half-way through it.”

“That's not much, Sir,” Ianto turned and smiled.

Jack pouted and stepped closer once more to peck Ianto's lips.

“I thought I told you after,” Ianto frowned, managing to keep a straight face.

“Well, what can I say? You're irresistible.”

When he turned and walked away, Ianto could hear his laugh and smiled despite himself, shaking his head to resume what he had wanted to do: bring coffee to Tosh.

He quickly put three mugs on a tray and made his way downstairs, silently putting a mug on Tosh's desk, then Jack, and Gwen, who shouldn't be long now.

“Ianto,” Tosh called as he was gathering some leftovers Jack and he had decided to ignore in order to go home and get some sleep.

“Yup?”

“Did you get anything from the alien?”

“No. Why?”

“Well, what did you talk about then?”

“Nothing,” Ianto shrugged. “I was just trying to scare him off, I think.”

“That's a very dumb move,” Tosh frowned.

“Well. Yeah. Maybe he'll be more willing to talk to Jack now,” Ianto smiled.

Tosh shook her head but before she could add anything, Gwen walked in. Ianto looked at his watch and smiled. Her coffee was still warm, just how she liked it in the morning.

Of course, it didn't work everyday. Sometimes she was late or stopped somewhere. On rarer occasion she came in earlier. Owen was late, no matter what. But he was often the last to leave, if one was injured. And everyone knew he didn't go straight home when he was done with his job.  
Well, before his whole dead-but-not-totally situation, at least. He still was last to come, though. But Ianto didn't need to brew coffee for him any more.

 

Sighing, Ianto shook his head and informed Jack that he would be in the archives. He left the main area, greeted Owen who was walking in, and went to the archives, immediately going to the system to do research on the 2006 artefacts that had come. He quickly found the three artefacts from October, 22th and pulled up the file from the second one. He smiled when he noticed the artefact was close and quickly made his way to the high rack at the very left of the room.

He took one of the boxes from the bottom shelf with the reference “B22102006” written on it and put it down on the nearest table.

He careful opened the box and took the wrapped artefact out. He looked at it for a long time. It looked like a perfect rock for ricochets, but thicker. It also wasn't stone, but a surprisingly soft material, considering how heavy it was. The artefact felt cold when Ianto touched it but instantly warmed up at the contact of his skin. He took a deep breath and pushed the only button on it, almost dropping it when a hologram appeared in front of him.

He frowned at what seemed to be a puzzle and raised his hand to touch it. Of course, his hand only went through it. Ianto sighed and tried to have a better view of the puzzle. As he moved, the puzzle moved and two pieces clicked together. Ianto dropped the artefact back in the box when he felt something opening inside. He closed the box quickly and let out a deep breath. What was he doing?

“Busy?” A voice said behind Ianto and he jumped and swirled, protectively hiding the box behind him. “You know you're acting really weirdly, right?” Jack frowned.

Ianto sighed but didn't relax and stepped away.

“Just doing some digging on unknown artefacts. Know anything about this?” Ianto asked casually, leaning again the table and crossing his arms to hide the fact that he was shaking

“Not really,” Jack said, walking to Ianto and opening the box. He took the artefact and Ianto drew in a shaky breath, but nothing happened. “Rather cold, and no matter how many times I push the button, it never does anything.” He demonstrated by pressing the button.

“Wait! What if it is dangerous?”

“Impossible,” Jack smiled, playing with the artefact, throwing it and catching it. “Tosh ran every tests we could think of. This thing is definitely harmless. However, we picked up a living form inside. We tried to open it, but...” Jack trailed off, shrugging to show they'd had no luck with that.

Ianto nodded, and looked at Jack playing with the artefact a bit more before putting it back in the box.

“And we have no idea what it does, but at least it's safe,” Jack grinned and closed the box.

He turned and put his hands on Ianto's hips.

“Jack?”  
“Now, I was hoping to get some alone time with you, if you're not too busy...” Jack said in a low voice, pulling Ianto closer with a wicked smile.

“Ooh, what for? I hope it involves a nice fancy restaurant,” Ianto answered in an even voice, even when Jack's hands sneaked beneath his shirt. “I'm not an easy man, you know.”

“I'm sure we'll find _something_... satisfying for you,” Jack whispered in his neck before kissing the skin there. Ianto drew in a shaky breath. “Something that fits you.”

“And you know a place like this?” Ianto was trying hard to ignore Jack's hands on his skin and Jack's lips on his skin, and Jack's entire body pressed against his, but his voice shook a little and he was starting to have trouble breathing normally. When Jack's teeth met his skin, he moaned.

“I'm pretty sure I do,” Jack whispered, as equally losing control.

Ianto pushed him away from his neck only to stare at his eyes. He was about to kiss him but frowned.

“Did you finish your paperwork?”

“I wouldn't have come otherwise,” Jack smiled and leaned on, almost silently begging Ianto to kiss him.

“We'll talk about you coming later.”

Jack was about to laugh, but Ianto finally kissed him and Jack lost his words, responding eagerly to the kiss instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost done writing this fic and I hope you guys will enjoy this! Yes, not much happened, but soon ;)
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave a comment, that's what encourage us writers!


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto didn't know what to do. He wanted to believe in the alien's words but he knew he shouldn't do that, ever. But it seemed so honest, and it hadn't said anything to Jack when he had asked it questions. It hadn't mentioned the artefact, or Ianto offering to consider sparing its life, it had even begged that Ianto be kept out of the interrogation room because he scared it. Jack had eventually thanked Ianto because the alien talked a lot, and Jack thought it was thanks to Ianto.

Ianto was confused, but he wanted to believe in it.

The prospect of becoming immortal wasn't even that much of a problem for Ianto. Of course, he knew it wasn't happy or an easy burden to carry on one's shoulders, but Jack had already carried it for so long, and he deserved to have a normal death, one day.

Ianto had progressively grown fond of Jack until he had realised it was love and especially that it was already too late. He knew he was one of many, he didn't kid himself he was special or anything more to Jack than a convenient shag and maybe someone he loved for a short period of time. He knew that as soon as he'd be gone – that is to say, dead – it would take Jack no time before bouncing back, and finding another lover. He didn't mind that because he couldn't possibly ask Jack to never love someone new just because he, Ianto Jones, had fallen hard for him.

Still, it didn't mean that Ianto was okay with being just some Welsh boy from the early 21st century that had let Jack fuck him and had fucked Jack for a certain time, at some point. He wanted to be more, deep down, he wanted Jack to remember him, because one of his biggest fear in life was to leave without leaving a mark behind. He didn't want the world to know how many times he – the Torchwood team – had saved it, but he wanted Jack to remember him, at least sometimes. He knew he wasn't and would never be, but sometimes, he wanted to be special for Jack. And it hurt so much.

Taking his greatest burden was something he was ready to do, because he had stupidly fallen in love with Jack and would do anything for him. He was willing to sacrifice his sanity on the long-term if that meant that Jack didn't have to endure losing as many lovers as he had already lost.

Ianto didn't want to die in Jack's arms, he didn't want to break his heart because even if Jack would probably never say it, he sometimes showed that he cared for Ianto. That he loved him. At least Ianto hoped it was that, and even if he didn't want to give himself more place than he actually had in Jack's heart, he knew that the day he'd die, it would hurt Jack.

He spent days resolving the puzzle of the artefact. It seemed to respond only to him, now. The alien had been thrown in a cell – with Torchwood usual care – and Ianto had asked it, one night – when everyone was gone and Jack sleeping after a good session of sex, which meant he wouldn't wake up for at least three hours – how the artefact worked. The alien had told him it read minds and knew what one wanted more than anything. It decided if it was worthy enough and just how much the being holding it wanted that thing. The alien had never seen it working and said it was just a legend. But it comforted Ianto in his decision. Maybe what he was doing was a good thing. He certainly hoped it was because, if he turned out to be wrong he'd have fucked up pretty hard.

 

Tosh's soft knocking made him lose track of his thoughts and he looked up with a quiet noise of acknowledgement and questioning. Tosh smiled sweetly and walked closer to put a hand on his arm.

“When you try to fumble with my programs, make sure you cover what you do,” she whispered, and Ianto frowned.

“But I really deleted the tape where Jack and I were...” Ianto trailed off. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“... Obviously not the same thing,” Tosh laughed. “But I know what you're doing and thinking about.”

“What?” Ianto asked, confused. What did Tosh know?

“B22102006,” Tosh breathed out. “I heard the whole conversation. I thought you wouldn't believe it but then I checked and couldn't find the artefact. Ianto, what the hell are you doing?”

Ianto froze and looked away. “I'm...” he started but sighed.

“Cut it Ianto,” Tosh almost snapped and Ianto frowned. “I understand why you would try but I heard the _whole_ conversation. Ianto, you can't take Jack's immortality.”

“Why not?”

“Because you... because... I don't know.”

“Exactly,” Ianto shrugged. “There are no reasons I don't.”

“What does Jack think?” Tosh sighed. “I can't believe he agreed...”

“He didn't,” Ianto shook his head. “I haven't told him.”

“Wh-- What?! Ianto, you can't do that on your own! It involves Jack and--”

“And Jack would never be okay with this,” Ianto cut her. “That's why I don't tell him.”

“Ianto! That's not like you, you can't blindly trust an alien artefact. And why? Why would you take Jack's burden? Why would you...”

“Because he's suffering, and I can't just stand and watch until the day I die,” Ianto admitted in barely a whisper.

“I know,” Toshiko sighed. She was trying to keep a sweet voice but Ianto could hear her worry. “I know he suffers and would be better if he had a chance to live a normal life and die a normal death. But it's Jack, he knows it now, and you don't... you don't-- you _can't_ know how you will react. What will you do once Jack's dead? Why would you inverse this?”

“Because I love him!” Ianto exclaimed to stop the questions.

Admitting it to himself was a long way from admitting it aloud to someone and Ianto felt his heart breaking at how honest his words were. It hurt. It hurt so much to be in love with a man so used to protecting himself by taking his distance in love.

“Oh, Ianto...” Tosh whispered. Ianto shook his head and wiped the tears forming in his eyes. “You're really deep...”

“I know I shouldn't but...”

“No, you deserve it. And he deserves it but... you have to talk about this,” Tosh said, putting a comforting hand on Ianto's arm.

“No,” Ianto shook his head again. “I know he would never agree. Tosh, I can save him. Wouldn't you do the same?” Ianto asked, almost begging her to agree with him, to tell him it was normal.

“Maybe,” she nodded. “But you're smarter than this. The prize is too high.”

“I don't care,” Ianto sighed, realising he really didn't. If it meant saving Jack from his torments, he was willing to sacrifice everything.

Tosh stayed silent for a moment then sighed, “I swear, you two are impossible. I have one question, though.”  
“Yes?” Ianto said, looking nervous and maybe a bit impatient, which was unusual for him, at least when talking to Tosh.

“You knew I would find the tape, or more exactly the sound record of that conversation. And I know you know perfectly how to delete it. Did you want someone to hear?”

Ianto studied her for a while, then looked away. It was true, he knew how to erase his passage from somewhere. He had proven it throughout his whole time in Torchwood Three, first with Lisa, then with all that office sex with Jack. He had no idea why he hadn't done it this time. Maybe Tosh was right. Maybe he needed someone to tell him to stop or go for it.

He shrugged the question off nevertheless.

“What are you going to do?” He asked instead, almost dreading the answer.

“Do what you want, Ianto. What feels right. And I'll do the same for me.”

“And what does feel right for you?”

“Talk to Jack. If you don't, I'll guide the conversation towards this tomorrow.”

“Tosh,” Ianto started but she shook her head disapprovingly and left the kitchen.

Ianto swore under his breath and almost called his friend back. But he made his decision as he stepped towards the kitchen's door. He stopped in his tracks, shut his open mouth and turned back to the coffee machine. Tonight, he would try. He had nothing to lose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and commenting! I hope you guys enjoy this. I still haven't finished it, oops, but soon, I hope! I'm trying to get a good ending, that's quite hard.
> 
> Happy New Year! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Still, in front of the artefact, Ianto hesitated. His life would change. His life would never end. Was he really ready to sacrifice a mortal life?

For Jack, he was. It was his way of telling Jack to never forget him. It was a good thing to do. Ianto sure hoped it was...

He turned when he heard Jack stir in his sleep, and smiled when the man he loved put his hand on his face and moved a bit, opening his mouth. Soon enough, Jack was snoring lightly and Ianto ran a calm hand through Jack's hair. Yes, he wanted to give him his normal death. He leaned on to press a kiss to Jack's hand and took a deep breath, turning his back on him and looking at the artefact. He just needed one last move, and the thing would open. At least, he hoped.

Ianto smiled through his tears and finished the puzzle. He heard something unlock and soon enough, a warmth spread through his hands, then he felt abruptly cold as a little flame jumped out of the stone-looking artefact.

Ianto blinked, his vision blurred by the tears, and saw the flame... sneezing? What? It didn't even have a mouth, let alone a face. Ianto shook his head and smiled at the flame which flew around him with a strange buzzing. It stopped in front of Ianto after a while.

Ianto stared at it then looked away, at Jack. Determined, he looked back at the flame.

“Make him mortal, please,” he whispered, begging. Even though he wasn't sure he needed to talk. Or if the flame would understand 21st century English.

Apparently, it did, as it flew around for a while, then went straight into Jack, through his mouth.

Ianto swallowed hard. God, he hoped he wasn't doing a big mistake. Too late for this sort of fears...

He could follow the flame's trail, which was blowing a bit under Jack's bare skin. Jack groaned in his sleep when the fading light was around his heart, then it was glowing even harder and Ianto stared with worry.

The flame got out a few seconds after, through Jack's ear. Jack gasped suddenly and straightened with a painful breath. He looked straight into Ianto's eyes.

“What have you done?” He said instantly, as if knowing.

Ianto gulped and looked away, at the flame still flying around happily, waiting to go in Ianto, probably. Jack stared at it, shocked, then at Ianto. When the flame approached Ianto, Jack put his hand to cover Ianto's mouth and nose. The flame bumped into Jack's hand and another buzzing filled the room, sounding angrier than previously.

Ianto tried to push Jack away, but Jack shove him against the bed, covering one of his ears with his free hand. Ianto struggled, needing to breathe, but Jack kissed him, covering his other ear with his now free hand.

Ianto was starting to suffocate, and he pushed Jack long enough to breathe and for the flame to sneak inside him.

“Ianto!” Jack said and tried to shake Ianto, but he suddenly stilled and Jack stopped.

It was both painful and appeasing. The flame moving within Ianto was warm and safe, but as soon as it moved to another part of his body, Ianto was left cold and numb in the other area. He felt like his skin was burning but his bones felt so cold. Eventually, the warmth died out, he briefly saw the flame whooshing out of his nose and fading away. And then the pain began. Awful pain. It was as if someone was stabbing him in the stomach, burning his back, hitting his legs, punching his face and cutting his arms. He screamed, covering Jack's voice.

Then he went silent. He heard Jack begging him to stay with him, then nothing. The pain stopped. He could see nothing, he could feel nothing. Darkness. More than darkness, black, only black. His whole being was both here and gone. He was both floating and crushed down against something flat. He was both feeling and not feeling. Panicked and peaceful. Worried and reassured. Fighting it and letting it be a part of himself.

 

Then he was gasping and everything came back and it all hurt so, so much.

“That was faster than my first few ones,” Jack said right after. “Your gun's on the bed.”

Ianto straightened slowly and looked around, lost. Jack was gone through the hatch and he frowned, lost. Had he upset Jack that much?

Was that how it felt to die and come back? It was awful.

Ianto eventually registered the constant alarm in the hub, indicating someone had escaped from the cells, and he got on his feet, almost falling as soon as he put weight on his legs. He took his gun and stumbled to the ladder, cursing Jack for having one. It always made it so much harder in mornings. Or middle of the nights. When he was finally in Jack's office, he felt a bit less like shit and could at least walk. The adrenaline rush that shot through his body when he heard Jack's yell enable him to run to the vaults. He saw Jack face down on the ground and the rush was already gone, and he felt so tired, and Jack seemed dead, as often, but Ianto knew this time Jack wouldn't be back. What had he done?

He heard footsteps, but didn't turn, didn't get up, he just stared at Jack and brought a shaking hand to his neck. Jack growled when Ianto touched him and slowly rolled on his side.

“Hey,” he whispered and Ianto shook his head.

He briefly kissed Jack's forehead and got up to carefully make his way to the upper levels. He ran when he heard a breathe above and a slow pace. Apparently that species wasn't made for stairs. Ianto quickly caught up with it, trying to be quiet, but when he approached slowly, the alien swirled around and didn't leave Ianto the time to defend himself, stabbing his side instantly. Ianto still tried to raise his gun to the alien's head but it stabbed him again, in the arm, and Ianto let out a scream and dropped his weapon. He tried to punch the alien with his other hand but stumbled and instead leaned against a wall.

“You were so easy to manipulate,” the alien laughed. “Good luck with living with this between you two.”

It then turned and left, Ianto trying to follow but only falling to the ground. He heard a gunshot not long after, and rolled on his back to try and see what had happened. His vision blurred and he pressed his valid hand against the wound on his side.

“Ianto!”

Ianto blinked, until he realised that it was Owen sitting next to him.

“You're going to freeze to death,” Owen grumbled and took his jacket off, helping Ianto on his feet and putting the jacket around his bare shoulders.

He then examined his wounds and thought Ianto could walk to his workstation.

“I'm okay,” Ianto muttered weakly. “Jack...”

“... will be fine,” Owen cut him. “It's you that I'm worried about.”

“No... I'm--” Ianto didn't finish his sentence. How could he explain this?

He didn't have to, as pain shot through his body and he felt the open wounds closing slowly. Owen put him against a wall to see what was wrong with him, and frowned.

“Ianto... where's your injury?”

“... not here?”

“What the fuck did you do?” Owen snapped, his hand on Ianto's skin, where he should have still been bleeding.

“I... er...” Ianto said, trying to come up with a way to explain this. “Can we go check on Jack?”

Owen seemed to hesitate but nodded.

Jack was sitting against the wall when they joined him.

“Where is it?” He asked, a bit breathlessly.

“Dead,” Owen answered, then crouched to check Jack's head. “Did it do something to inverse something so Ianto is now immortal and you not so much?” He asked Jack.

Ianto and he exchanged a look, Ianto quickly looking away.

“Something like that,” Jack muttered. “It's only temporary, however.”

Ianto's head snapped up.

“Go home,” Jack continued, ignoring Ianto. “Come back for mid-day, have a proper sleep before. We'll deal with everything.”

“But--”

“That's an order,” Jack snapped.

Ianto watched as Owen was about to answer, but said nothing and turned, along with Tosh who had joined them in the mean time. Her PDA had gone crazy when the alien had left the cells, and she had called Owen because he lived only minutes away from the hub.

Ianto left the room too. He took care of the alien body, and especially of the black blood on the floor. He cleaned everything up, not knowing what to do. Jack clearly was against what Ianto had done, but he seemed to know more. He had said Ianto's condition was temporary. Had he only said that to calm Owen, or because he had planed on reversing the situation himself? Or was the whole thing just a lie?

Ianto had been so stupid and unprofessional, it was so unlike him, and the worst thing was... he wasn't ashamed of it. He would do it everyday if Jack could live normally. But now, Jack knew. They would probably have to talk, at some point – the thing they avoided the most in their relationship.

 

Ianto sighed and decided to meet Jack. If they were about to argue, it was better to get on with it quickly. He walked to the main room, and to Jack's office, knocking softly on the door.

“Come,” he heard Jack said, his voice muffled by something.

When Ianto entered, he didn't see Jack, and moved silently to Jack's room. Jack was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, and he looked up, gesturing at Ianto to wait a minute. Ianto stood in front of the bed and looked around. The artefact he had used wasn't there any more, and Ianto unconsciously brought his hand to his side, checking where he should be wounded, and noticing he hadn't even put a shirt on since he had left Jack's bedroom – and given Owen his jacket back.

Jack came out the bathroom and Ianto shuddered. He realised he was exhausted and certainly not up for a fight with Jack. Nevertheless, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Jack, I--”

He was interrupted by lips kissing him. He opened his eyes, trying to catch Jack's stare, but Jack kept his eyes closed, not looking at him. Out of habit, Ianto responded, closing his eyes again and willingly opening his mouth to Jack's tongue. He tasted mint from Jack's toothbrush, and moaned at how passionate and desperate the kiss was, taking a step back at the same time Jack gently pushed him. They collapsed on the bed, not breaking the kiss, fumbling to undress themselves from the little clothes they had.

“Make me feel it,” Jack whispered against Ianto's ear, biting his earlobe.

Ianto froze at the words but growled at the sudden pain, rolling them over and nodding eagerly in Jack's neck before kissing him again.

Ianto knew he should stop this, that they had to talk, but Jack didn't seem willing to talk right now, and, honestly, Ianto hoped it would go better in the morning.

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Ianto woke up, he was alone. He looked around and rubbed his eyes, trying not to overthink or come to conclusions with the fact that he was alone. He eventually sighed and looked at the time – 8 am – then got up to shower and dress. When he climbed the ladder, he saw Jack working at his desk.

He stood behind him, flattened his suit when he was on his feet, then swallowed hard when he saw the artefact on the table.

“Morning,” he barely articulated. “Coffee?”

“Sit,” was the only answer Jack gave him, with the most neutral voice Ianto had ever heard.

So Jack seemed pissed off. Fair enough, Ianto could understand. That didn't mean he wanted to have the talk, however. What was he supposed to say? Explain why he had done this? Tell Jack how he loved him? It certainly wasn't how he had pictured saying it.

He didn't make Jack wait, however, and sat on the chair across the desk, putting a last wall of protection between the two of them.

Jack didn't even acknowledge his presence. He didn't move, didn't raise his head or even nodded. He just looked at the paperwork he was working on and kept writing.

It took Jack several minutes to look up, and Ianto thought he would die with how awkward the silence was getting every second.

“So,” Jack said, without adding anything, as if waiting for Ianto to continue.

“I... I'm...” Ianto stuttered and that annoyed himself. He didn't stutter. He had done nothing wrong... well that wasn't exactly true.

“Tell me what happened,” Jack said, almost softly, but it still sounded like an order.

“I didn't think,” Ianto eventually sighed, playing with his hands and trying to hide them from Jack's sight. “It said it would work, and I just... I wanted to believe it. I didn't think about the consequences.”

“No, you didn't,” Jack said, and Ianto's head fell to his chest. Jack wasn't even angry – or didn't show it – but he condemned his decision, in the worst way possible – calmly. “What was supposed to happen?”

Ianto looked up, puzzled. Jack knew the answer, he was just asking Ianto to say it aloud. And now, Ianto was ashamed. Not of wanting to make Jack mortal, not of trying and succeeding in doing so, but of believing an alien. He had been working for Torchwood for years, and had been in daily contact with aliens for a while now, and credulously believing what an alien was telling was a big mistake he shouldn't have made. Not after all this time.

“It promised to make you mortal. In exchange of my own mortality, I thought it was possible...”

Jack looked sad and in awe for a split second, then he sighed and leaned against the back of his chair, the emotions already gone from his face.

“Do you know what this is?” Jack asked, taking the artefact and playing with it before tossing it to Ianto who caught it at the last second.

It was cold, so cold. Not warm and reacting to him any more. Just a piece of alien junk being cold. Ianto shook his head.

“This will become a myth,” Jack explained. “It'll disappear before my time. I always thought this was rather stupid. Courtesy of the Nirangane. I honestly don't remember the name and it probably changed over the centuries. Call it the delusional thing if you want to name it – it's not an official name. Now, what does it do? What do you think?”

Ianto stared at him, waiting. Was he really asking him?

When Jack didn't talk, he sighed, “grants you one wish?”

Jack scoffed.

“Now, that'd be absurd. Nothing does that. What it does, however, is helping its owner. Especially when they're made prisoners. It does grant you a wish, in a way. Only it's for a few hours – that's approximately a day on Earth – and it also gives the owner a wish. The cell door is unlocked until it fades. You're immortal until it fades.”

Ianto swallowed, too noisily for him, and looked down. He could hear Jack's disappointment in his voice.  
“You made a mistake, Ianto,” Jack continued. “You trusted an alien for selfish reasons. You didn't talk to a superior and you led an interrogation on your own.”

“Are you firing me?” Ianto asked, his voice shaking.

“Don't be stupid, Torchwood needs you. I...” Jack started, but caught himself. “I expected more of you.”

That's all he said and Ianto almost melted in his seat. Jack was deceived, disappointed. He wasn't angry, and that was the worst thing. Ianto could take anger, yelling, arguing, but the feeling of being ignored or of deceiving, especially someone like Jack, was something Ianto handled badly.

“Go back to work, you're on field duty today instead of me.”

Ianto didn't move, even when Jack took his pen back and concentrated on his paperwork again.

“Wh--” Ianto started, about to ask what that meant for... them. He didn't finish his sentence when Jack looked at him. He couldn't ask this. “Why didn't it work with you?”

Jack put his pencil down and took a deep breath. “It means I've already used it once.”

“The same?”

“A different one, I suppose. They're weird artefacts and I'm not sure how they work. I don't remember using one.”

Ianto frowned, “then how do you know...?”

Jack sighed, and seemed to think, his mouth slightly opened and his eyes distant. Something he sometimes did when he wasn't sure he could or wanted to tell Ianto something.

“It's cold and doesn't react if you already used it once. Part of why they disappeared, I suppose. I instinctively knew what it would do when I saw the flame last night, as if I had already used one.”

“Why don't you remember?” Ianto asked, not understanding.

“Because,” Jack said, adding nothing for a moment, then sighed. “Okay, Ianto, I wasn't always a good man. I'm not sure I ever was. But after working for the Time Agency and before meeting the Doctor, I certainly wasn't. I was travelling through the Universe, being a conman and trying to...” he stopped again, and thought for a second. “I left the Time Agency because they stole two years of my life. Two years I can't remember. I wanted to know what had happened, and I was upset. I probably used one during that time. I don't know when I would have used one.”

Ianto stared at him agape. He didn't know that. And he felt a wave of sympathy towards Jack. The man had loved and lost, suffered, been tortured, lost years of his life... and all of that before becoming immortal. If the situation had been different, Ianto would have kissed him, for his bravery, for the long life he had lived. To show him how much Ianto cared about him, how much he loved him. But he didn't move. He just was grateful and deeply relieved that Jack still confided in him.  
“Why did you do it?” Jack asked, as if not willing to talk about his past any more. No that talking about this was a good change of subject.

Ianto thought for a moment, to give an answer that wouldn't say too much about things he wasn't ready to admit to Jack.

“I wanted you to have a normal life,” he simply said.

“By sacrificing your own?”

“If that's the price, then yes,” Ianto shrugged.

Jack blinked a few times, as if containing tears.

“Oh Ianto...” he whispered, then smiled warmly. “That's fucking dumb. I don't wish that to anyone and you'd be willing to have it after seeing what it does?”

“Can I ask you a question?” Ianto suddenly said, his hands shaking from his own emotions but also Jack's in his voice. Jack nodded. “Why didn't you say anything earlier?”

Jack seemed to think, then shrugged. “You didn't answer my question.”

“I told you,” Ianto smiled, for the first time since he had woken up. “If it means saving you from this, then yes. It's worth it.”

Jack sent his chair on the floor by getting up suddenly, reaching over the table for Ianto's collar. He pulled, and Ianto came without any resistance, their lips crashing together in an awkward position for Ianto who was not sitting but not entirely standing either.

“Because I was exhausted, you just had died, and... and you're crazy for thinking this,” Jack finally answered when they parted to breathe.

Ianto kissed him again, sweet and caring, trying to express everything he was pretty sure he would not voiced to Jack. Jack responded with force, in his own way, how he did it the best.

Then Jack pulled away and sat back in his chair, reluctantly letting go of Ianto's tie.

“As your boss, however, I still disapprove of what you did.”

Ianto nodded absently, still lost in a kiss that should have been words, had they been that sort of persons. Jack didn't want to let anyone in and although he had probably already lost that fight, admitting it was another step he wasn't ready to take because of what it meant – probably more pain, not that not saying anything would make Ianto's death any more bearable. Ianto was just following the lead, he didn't need saying it, not to Jack – he didn't even call Jack his boyfriend, or what they were a couple – so he didn't say it.

“I won't do it again,” Ianto eventually said.

“I know,” Jack nodded and looked at his paperwork, dismissing Ianto that way. Ianto quickly stood, but stopped at the door. Jack stop writing, but he froze holding his pen, not looking but clearly listening. Ianto opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head, going to the kitchen to make two strong coffees. That had gone well better than Ianto would have thought.

* * *

As Jack had said, immortality “passed” during the day. Ianto didn't know if knowing he couldn't die made him reckless or if he was just lost in his thoughts, but he died another time.

He felt rather literally the immortality leave his body. Not in a “oh it's leaving my body!” way. That would have been too simple. More like an alien pushed him with non-human force and he rolled on a few metres and didn't stand before long because his muscles were tired and his knee hurt, as well as his arm. And he didn't heal.

It was a relief on the moment. He had wanted Jack's immortality, but he hadn't imagined how painful it could get to feel his own body repairing itself. Let alone die. Jack clearly suffered, Ianto could see that when he held him, and he had always thought that Jack didn't hide any pain because he simply couldn't, just waking up from the dead. Apparently, he could, and it was far more painful than what Ianto had imagined. However, he felt proud of Jack for still standing, still fighting, still caring.

“Ianto, get the fuck out of here, it stopped!” Jack's voice yelled in his ear.

“Too late,” Gwen answered for him.

“What do you mean too late?” Jack asked, and his tone broke Ianto's heart.

“I'm fine,” he said quickly, hearing Jack sigh. “Just did a stunt job. You'd think it's easy, but it's not.”

He heard Jack chuckle, and instantly smiled. He then took Tosh's hand to stand up, and looked around, pressing the palm of his hand against his head.

“You okay?” Tosh asked worriedly.

“Yup, I'll just have Owen check me maybe...”

Tosh nodded and helped him walk to the SUV, so Owen could check his vitals.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the fic last night, so it'd be ready for tomorrow!  
> Tomorrow is also when we (along with Plume8Now) start our exams, so let's say it's to give us both some courage (that's just an excuse to post, yeah.)  
> I hope you guys still enjoy this :) It's hard to write Jack and Ianto having a more serious conversation...


	6. Chapter 6

When they got back to the hub, Owen and Gwen brought the new alien body they had for Owen to study, then went to Jack's office. Ianto nervously stared, then scratched his sore arm. He didn't have anything serious, just some more or less deep scratches, but it was now a reminder that he wasn't immortal any more, that his plan had failed... That Jack knew how exactly in love Ianto was with him, probably.

And Ianto would still die, and Jack would still be the one to live on. Ianto couldn't possibly help Jack, because there was nothing he could do. Ianto understood now, and he realised that Jack knew. Jack had accepted his immortality, despite the heartbreaks and the deaths it meant.

 

Ianto turned when he heard a sound, and smiled softly at Toshiko who was standing next to him.

“You were right,” he said. Tosh shook her head. “I shouldn't have trusted that alien... And I should have talked to Jack.”

“We all made mistakes, thinking we could change the world, or thinking we could do something for the people we... cared for. I'd have done the same for my mother.”

“Is your mother immortal?” Ianto smiled.

“Maybe I should ask her,” Tosh chuckled. “But I get it. And he does too, don't worry.”

“I know,” Ianto sighed. “But still, I didn't ask. It's a curse, and he would have never forgiven himself if someone else had taken it instead of him. I didn't think of that. He would have lived with the guilt, because that's how Jack lives, and it would have eaten him alive. I would have wasted the last years of his life. I didn't want that.”

Toshiko put her hand on his shoulder, then hugged him in silence. She cupped her face when she pulled away, and smiled.

“You're special, Ianto. I think he likes that.”

Ianto looked away, but couldn't help smiling.

“I saw that smile, Mister Jones,” Tosh winked at him, then let him go. “I'm glad it wasn't permanent, however. I'm not sure any of us would be able to bear such a burden.”

“So I am,” Ianto whispered, watching Gwen and Owen leave the office with the smile of a day that was over.

He wished them all a good night and waited for them to be gone before walking – limping – to Jack's office. He knocked just to draw Jack's attention, but entered without waiting for a response. Jack was leaning against his desk, staring at a point on the glass wall, and Ianto didn't really think, coming to him slowly to take him in his arms.

Jack made a surprised sound, and almost pulled back, but then relaxed, putting his arms around Ianto and his head in his neck. Ianto broke the hug after a while, but Jack didn't let him go, his hands on Ianto's waist, so he just put enough distance between them to look at Jack.

“What was that for?” Jack smiled.

Ianto shrugged and looked away, then took a deep breath, staring at Jack. He kissed him hard, trying to come up with enough courage to say what he wanted to say. Apparently, breathing against Jack's lips in silence helped him, and he closed his eyes briefly before pulling a bit more distance between their faces.

“I know what it is,” he said, but Jack clearly wasn't getting his point. “To die. I know what it feels like. And I-- I'm sorry, Jack.”

“It's okay,” Jack smiled, taking Ianto in his arms once more. “You get used to it after a while...”

“Do you?”

“Not really,” Jack admitted. “But I'm fine. It's worth it. I'm an adventurer, sometimes I tell myself this is all I've ever wanted, all the time in the world to discover places and times.”

“And the rest of the time?”

“I try not to think about it.”

Ianto nodded against him, but didn't move, just relaxing into Jack's arms. Letting go of his fears and doubts. He had seen death. It was empty and dark and so, so lonely. He didn't want to die, he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want Jack to be alone.

Seeing Ianto was struggling with what he had experienced, Jack slid his hands on his lower back. “I try to enjoy the local things I can find,” he whispered against Ianto's hear.

Ianto shook his head, but he was smiling when he pulled back from Jack's neck, and looked at him before kissing him.

“Thank you,” Jack whispered in his neck, once more pulling him close, taking a deep breath of Ianto's smell.

Ianto tried to answer something, but he couldn't come up with anything. Jack was thanking him for having tried. He briefly wondered how many persons had accepted Jack's immortality the way he had accepted it, and concluded that it probably wasn't a lot.

Jack suffered from rejection more than loneliness. At least, that was what Ianto had concluded. He had lost the count of how many times Jack had seemed genuinely surprised by Ianto's acceptance – his attraction to Jack, Jack's immortality, the fact that he was much older and more experienced, shagging his boss, Jack's origins from another planet and time, some of Jack's past... he had accepted everything because that was what life and Torchwood had taught him. Accept and adapt. He had discovered and accepted that aliens existed the same way he had discovered and accepted that he wasn't straight, or that Jack would outlive him by millennia. It didn't mean he liked it and didn't try anything. He was fighting aliens on a daily basis, he had tried not to let his attraction to Jack mess with his feelings, and he had tried to make Jack mortal again. One out of three he still managed.

“Jack?” Ianto asked as Jack was gently stroking his back and kissing his neck gently, as if checking that he was all right, that he was there.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Jack briefly stilled. He seemed to hesitate but finally shook his head in Ianto's neck.

“I'm sorry,” Ianto quietly said.

“It's okay,” Jack sighed, pulling back a bit so he could look at Ianto. “The alien was a murderer, and you didn't directly pull the trigger. I'm not saying you did good, but we all did dumb things and trusted some alien which promised us something. I guess that means you're still human.”

“I'm sorry it didn't work,” Ianto whispered.

Jack shrugged and smiled warmly. The rare kind of smile that Ianto was the most fond of.

“I'm glad it didn't, I wouldn't want you to live this. I'm dealing with this. You go on living, and we'll consider it a good thing.”

Ianto shook his head with a small smile. It sounded easy, but it wasn't. They both knew it wasn't.

“I have an idea,” Ianto said. He laughed when Jack looked up at him, frightened, then softened when he understood that Ianto wasn't talking about making him mortal.

Ianto took his hand and led them to Jack's bedroom, undressing him slowly. Jack did the same for the younger man, but Ianto shook his head when Jack moved to take things further. Ianto took control, and Jack let him. It wasn't about sex, it wasn't about pleasuring themselves. Not this night. Ianto just lay on the bed, taking Jack in his arms, and he didn't move, except to stroke Jack's hair.

Jack looked like he would protest, but finally sighed and relaxed, listening to Ianto's heartbeat while he still could, enjoying the rising and falling of Ianto's stomach as he breathed, and the soft breath tickling his hair. He loved Ianto's embrace, and he closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep.

Ianto watched him for a moment, wondering if things had changed between them. They seemed to be in constant evolution, and Ianto briefly wondered where they could go together. He dismissed the thought, just relishing the moment. He didn't want to think about a future he wasn't sure to have. For now, he was with Jack, and Jack was the most forgiving person he had ever met, which he was grateful for.

Still, at the back of his mind, Ianto wished he could have saved Jack from his immortality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this is already over, it was rather short, but I hope you liked this. I just couldn't make Ianto immortal forever if Jack wasn't as well, so I decided to cancel everything. It could have been a dream too, but that was easy ;)
> 
> Anyway, good luck everyone who's currently in the middle of exams, and the others as well! That was my little contribution to the fandom and gift to Plume, I hope it was what you wanted to read ;)


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